I want my Hulk back.

I imagine every current and former celebrity strive to remain relevant in today’s pop- culture landscape. The competition for celebrities to remain in the forefront of the collective conscious has never been fiercer. Andy Warhol’s “15 minutes of fame” has reached heights that even Warhol himself could have never imagined 40 years ago. There is YouTube, MySpace, blogs, unprecedented television channels and more movies being released than ever before. There are more celebrities than ever before all vying for our attention. This has forced many celebrities to re-invent themselves.

I do not begrudge celebrities their fame or fortune. I do not begrudge them re-inventing themselves; having said that I want the Hulk Hogan from my childhood back. The original Hulk stood for all that was good. I wanted to be just like Hulk, body slamming Andre the Giant in front of a sold out Shea Stadium. Fast forward 25 years to Hogan Knows Best a reality show centered around the charismatic former WWF champion and his dysfunctional family.

For those who tuned in, you were treated to the demise of the once invincible Hogan. He got divorced, his son was incarcerated for vehicular manslaughter and his daughter was exposed as a stupid tart. He now hosts a ridiculous (and I use the term loosely) “celebrity” wrestling show on MTV. For some reason seeing the Hulkster resorting to crappy reality tv programs it saddens me.

Paving the way for the Hulkster was Ozzy and his Meet the Osbournes; which televised a dysfunctional family falling apart. Worse than that it broadcast to the world the once legendary, bat eating, king of metal Ozzy reduced to a shuffling incoherent mess.

Even worse than the previous two was the destruction of Flavor Flav. The man with the clock was once part of the most influential rap acts of all time. He played the stereo type to Chuck D’s race breaking persona. He used to stand for something. He was a counter culture icon. Then came his appearance on the Surreal Life. I’m not sure who is to blame. His agent for having zero foresight, the shows creators for taking advantage of a desperate rapper, or the drugs that have obviously taken its toll over the years.

I guess I am selfish, but I hate seeing cherished memories of my childhood co-opted into terrible commercial recreations. I want my Ozzy, Hulk Hogan, Flavor Flav, and Vanilla Ice and Screech memories back.